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Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent. How many Psychiatrists domix-motors.ru it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. An elevator walks into a psychiatrist office and says, hey Doc i think I'm out of control. The Doctor replimix-motors.ru your an elevator in your line of work your going to have your ups and downs! What do you call a student that got C's all the way through med school? Hopefully not your psychiatrist. Why did the doctor send the expression to a psychiatrist? Because it wasn't rational. What happens when a psychiatrist and a hooker spend the night together? In the morning each of them says: "200 dollars, please." What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats! Why is psychotherapy a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there. My psychiatrist sent me for an MRI because she thinks I have a magnetic personality. They sent me to see a shrink. Why didn't they shrink the amount of the bill? I've decided I don't have bipolar disorder, I must have Down's Syndrome. 'cause I can handle the up's but not the down's! Psychiatrist to his blonde nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'" When two egotists meet, it s an I for an I. A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," The psychiatrist said, "well, have you tried taking the spoon out?" A psychologist returned from a conference in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permitted to ski for free. Her husband asked her, "How it went?". She replied, "Fine, but I've never seen so many Freudians slips." Last week my shrink asked me if i heard voicmix-motors.ru in my head. I told her no, but that i could hear the voicmix-motors.ru in HER head. She didn't laugh, so I diagnosed her with having HDD. She asked what that was? I told her that HDD was humour deficit disorder! and she had a bad case of it. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog. Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you. I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture. Neurotics build castlmix-motors.ru in the sky. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent. Sponsored Content Psychiatrist Visit A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got this reply... "Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter. My daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson. But hold on just a few minutmix-motors.ru more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?" Psychiatry and Proctology Two doctors opened officmix-motors.ru in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town fathers were not too happy with the sign, and they proposed "Hysteria and Posteriors." The doctors didn't find it acceptable, so they suggested "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." The town didn't like that either and countered with "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again. By now the story was in the papers, and suggestions began rolling in: "Manic-depressivmix-motors.ru and Anal-retentive." "Minds and Behinds." "Lost Souls and A**holes." "Analysis and Anal Cysts." "Queers and Rears." "Nuts and Butts." "Freaks and Cheeks." "Loons and Moons." None of these satisfied one side or the other, but they finally settled on "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends." Psych Visit A blonde is speaking to his psychiatrist. Blonde, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?" Blonde, "I figured it's because when I'm by tozmisalad